She: What did you mean by what you just said? How could you even think like that?
Me: No no no! I didn’t mean it in that way. You have misunderstood me. I actually wanted to tell you that….
Yes, that my story. Shit happens and I still continue to justify myself in such situations.
Not once, not twice, not thrice but many times I have been caught up in situations where I was trying to tell someone something in a particular way but it turned out to sound as something completely different. And what happens towards the end…? An argument. A tiff over something that wasn’t meant to be perceived in the manner as it was.
There were days I was so upset about these little tiffs that I used to land up weeping day and night, but I never let the world know what’s been hidden behind my smile. Times have changed now, I wish to weep and my heart aches when I hold back those tears. Instead of shedding tears I let the other one know what I had actually meant. I know that a justification after an argument means nothing to the other person, but I still make a point to justify myself.
Few people let go of this and move on.
Few people stick to this and remember it life long.
Others just accept this habit of yours and don’t bother about it any more.
What makes it worse in my situation is that at times I prefer being silent and not express what I feel in order to avoid the situation from going bad to worse. And yet again I land up into another tiff which emotionally drains me out.
But did you notice, these situations come up mostly over messages or calls? Happy realisation people!
So, after another small tiff today, I sat back and reflected as to why does this tend to happen with me.
Here are the 2 reasons that I had thought of….
- Lack of vocab
Yes, I feel that lack of vocabulary makes it difficult for you to express what you are exactly feeling at that time and you land up thinking of the most inappropriate words to convey your feelings.
- Attempt to play it smart
I am dumb and stupid because I assume that the other person would understand what I had meant. I usually land up trying to play smart when I am surrounded by people and I really wish to tell someone something and I can’t hold myself back. I guess, in such situations I should be keeping my mouth shut.
Though I really wish to blame technology too, I can’t do that because I know if I correct myself, then none of these incidents will ever happen again.
Hence I guess it’s time I learn to speak properly and choose my words wisely in order to avoid these issues. And yes, of course, I will have to control my urge of wanting to express everything every time so that I don’t try to act smart and make the situation worse.
Apart from this there is another thing that you can do. Sort things out.
That’s the need of the hour for not just me but also those many other people out there suffering due to the same reason. I try and sort things out with everyone n let them know more about me and I get to know a bit more about them.
It takes ages for a person to get to know someone else, then why do we fear from sorting out the issue and making the bond stronger? Why do we let our ego rule us or let our mind win over our heart?
I am going through an emotional turmoil within me and the above three solutions are only ones that can calm down the storm in the sea of emotions that I have in me.