A thought.. A view.. A failed attempt.

I don’t think I would be able to sleep a peaceful night tonight.

If you all have read some of my previous blogs, you would know that I am against body shaming. But what I had witnessed today, left me speechless. I am so irritated and bugged that I think in my today’s blog I will just be venting out my feelings.

So, my cousin had come home today with a man who she is looking forward to marry in the near future. My family had met him and everything was going fine. After they had left, my grand mother had tried acting smart and asked my views about the guy. Basically she was trying to find out what kind of guy would I like so that she can start looking for matches for me. I had told her frankly that I found the guy decent enough and there would be nothing better than both of them being compatible and getting along well with each other.

Isn’t that what every one of you would ideally look for in your partner? All this was not looked into earlier, fmilies used to just see the amount of money a guy makes, the family background and of course, in terms of a girl, how pretty is the girl ( how thin & fair is she). When I asked my grand mother her opinion about the duo, she told me that she found the guy dark-complexioned and too healthy ( …rather fat) ย to marry my cousin. For some reason I tried to defend the guy by saying that he was a basketball player, and most of us who are into sports, we tend to get tanned. I was snow-white fair as a kid, but as soon as I stepped into the world of sports, I began to tan and till date I haven’t got back my original skin colour. You can just not make the mistake of judging a person based on their skin colour. What if a guy had told the same about me? How would have my family reacted? Does the skin colour prove a person’s good or bad nature? You think my grand mother would have tired understand what I ws talking? OFCOURSE NOT! SHE REFUSED TO LISTEN TO ME!

Secondly, I agree he was healthy… but that might not necessarily be because of unhealthy food habits. We forget to take into consideration ones metabolism rate and also their work lifestyle. Having so many MNCs here, most of us have started running a rat race to earn more and more money. Do you think such people would be having an active life style? No, they don’t. They are all just stuck to those chairs and laptops so that they can achieve their given target and earn their living.

Not only the people working in offices, but also the one who have their own business have no time to work out in a GYM most of the time. I have a friend who not only manages his business, but also his dad’s work and also helps with things at home. Had Iย been in his place, I wouldn’t have been able to do even 1% of the work he does. This guy isn’t really fat, but has this little beer belly which he had got when he was working in an MNC before he had started his own business. He finishes work and sleeps late, the whole day he is working and by the time he comes back home in the evening, it’s time for dinner. He has no time to go to the GYM or to exercise at home at all. He doesn’t have bad food habits, yet he has gained weight..why? That is because of his work lifestyle which isn’t really that active and doesnt leave him with enough tiem for his fitness. Despite of him being so busy, he does try to go to the GYM as many times as he can, but he is just not able to make it is daily routine because of his work. Now tell me, who or what would you blame for his plumpness?

Sometimes, before you call someone healthy or fat, for once have a look at their background and their lifestyle.ย Asking someone to exercise to stay healthy for years to come is good. But asking someone to shed kilos for just getting them accepted, that wrong. There is a think line between the two, so think twice before suggesting someone to exercise.

I failed to put this into the mind of my family. I felt so ashamed after hearing what my grandmother had to say about the guy. Even after me trying to explain things to her, she had stuck to her views, that disappointed me.

I expect people reading my blog to change their outlook, but I failed at changing my own family’s outlook. What if I fall for a man who is a little healthy and not that fair? I now know what criticisms I would have to face. And I also know that my family will not be happy if I ever married a guy like this. Does my happiness matter to them? Does our compatibility matter to the family? I don’t think so.

Today, I failed. But tomorrow, I shall try again. I shall try to change the outlook of people once again. When I call every human out there to be another me, that automatically makes this world my family. This blog post might be of me venting out my feelings and thoughts, but take it as me talking to you personally about it. I needed someone to share this with and I knew at least one person out there reading my blog will be able to understand these thoughts and feelings of mine.

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5 thoughts on “A thought.. A view.. A failed attempt.

  1. Let me play devil’s advocate for your grandmother for a moment, although you are right to believe that character and other basic qualities are more important than superficial things like weight, looks, etc. But I wonder if she wasn’t coming from a practical position, from someone who has had to live with someone for a long time, and/or has seen many couples struggle in her llifetime. Over time, small blemishes in someone that are ignored in the blush of new love become more irritating, as the infatuation wears off, as it always does. The strength of a relationship must be built on deep things, but these other factors can be like a stone in the shoe, too. Someone, she might be thinking, that is a little over weight now might (probably will) get more so over the years. It’s a sign that they might have self-esteem issues, or be self-indulgent, which is a threat to the future happiness of his partner. I’m not saying it’s true, but she’s probably someone who tends to take the long view. I’ve been married to the same woman for 46 years, and we say that we’ve really had five marriages, because people grow at different rates, and there comes a time when you have to renegotiate the contract. “This is important to me now, will you change with me?” If the couple has built on a foundation of deeper things, of really liking the personhood of the other, then they will work it out. It’s seldom easy or fun, but it does have to happen. No one stays as they are at 25… or 40… or 55… or 65… or…

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