Backbiting Eh?

Being a lecturer in an all-girls college reminds me of my teenage days every day. Growing up has never really been that easy for anyone. By the time we enter the real world, we would have already learnt a few important lessons of life. One thing that I quiet often see in the college till date is habit of backbiting about their friends or someone who they aren’t quiet friendly with.

So, today’s blog is dedicated to all the people out there who are backbiters and the ones who have been a victim of backbiting.

So, me being a victim myself, I can step into the shoes of the other victims reading my post today; and for the ones, who are backbiters, I unfortunately knew people like you and after understanding them, I choose to stay away from them…rather walk out of their life. So you backbiters are going to get busted today in this post and I don’t really mind you being hurt or taking offense to what I have written here because I know that truth hurts and is hard to accept too.

You what is the worst part sometimes?  That is when you get to know about your best friend being two-faced and backbiting about you to your other friends. Shame on people like these; they are not worth being called friends, they are the ones who ruin the meaning of friendship for others too.

My mother had once told me, “Harshita, if your friend ever comes and back-bites to you about someone else then start being alert because the same people who you might be calling your ‘friend’ can back-bite about you too”. These words still resonate in my mind and I prefer maintaining distance from such people.

Now let us try and understand these people who we call ‘backbiters’ and the most probable reasons behind their habit of backbiting.

One of the most common reasons why people back-bite about you is because they are jealous of you. Yes, it is true that when someone is jealous of you, they try to hamper your image in the minds of the people who look up to you and adore you for the quality that you posses. It can be about your fashion sense, your knowledge about various topics, you being a top scorer, your friendly nature or any such petty reasons. These are the same people who will bring you down and demotivate you at every step you take towards your success.

The best way to deal with such people is to just let them be. If you hear them backbiting about you, pat your back because that shows you are on your way to be a successful person in life. When they try to demotivate you, just form an invisible bubble around you so that all of the negativity doesn’t get to you. Just keep doing your own thing and don’t let those negative words of the backbiters stop you from achieving what you want to. Later on in life when you will back at this, you will laugh at it. You would be glad that you did not spend time crying or mourning over what people (rather… friends) were talking about you behind your back.

The second reason why people back-bite, is because they suffer from inferiority complex. First let us understand the meaning of ‘inferiority complex’. An inferiority complex is a lack of self-worth, a doubt and uncertainty, and feelings of not measuring up to standards. From this one line definition you would have understood that this feeling comes into someone’s subconscious mind when they compare themselves to others. This comparison between two people can do more of harm than good. This point indirectly relates itself to the point I had mentioned earlier… Jealously.

Here’s what I got to say to those backbiters who have inferiority complex… You can be who you want to be, you can achieve the bench mark or the standard you have set for yourself, you can be like the person who you are comparing yourself to, but all this comes with the cost of investing time on yourself and working of yourself to become who you want to be. Instead of wasting your time on backbiting and being the negative character in the lot of happy people, do things that will enhance you and make you who you want to be. Oh yes, one more thing, for heaven’s sake… STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS!

Now a word of wisdom for the ones who have been a victim of such backbiters… Take this as a motivation to keep working hard on yourself and making yourself a better person day by day. The one person you should be comparing yourself to is YOURSELF. Everyday look back to who you were yesterday and who you are today, have you learnt something new? Have you done something to make yourself better than who were you yesterday? You are just as unique as everyone is, explore yourself more and see what are qualities you possess and how are you going to polish them. This will always keep you ahead in life no matter where you are.

Something that backbiters do not realise is that life gives everyone a fair chance to prove themselves; If you had spoken ill about someone because of your inferiority complex and tried to prove yourself better than them… Then there will be day when out of jealousy you will try to compete with the person you are jealous of and guess what, you might end up losing. Do you know why? That is because you always think you are better than others. To put it the other way round, you underestimate others capabilities and talent. I have been a witness of this not once or twice, but many times. So, start saving yourself from such embarrassments from now on and don’t make a fool out of yourself by backbiting because the proof will speak for itself when the right time comes.

Another thing the backbiters forget is that their habit is not going to bring them any laurels or any good name; instead they will be tagged with various negative names which are not pleasant to hear for anyone’s ear. Why get yourself such a tag? Why are you trying to be known for the wrong reasons? It’s time you realise the fact that making a good reputation takes years and losing it can take just a minute. Think about what I have just written. You are unique. You are special. It’s just that you haven’t found the hidden talent in you yet. If you have found it, them embrace it and excel in it. Don’t try and compete with others for it.

Hope that was enough gyaan for the start of yet another hectic week.

Hope you all have a pleasant week ahead! 🙂

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